I like the stand you've taken that NZSL be complementary to any programme of "rehab" offered to deaf children, and that it continue to be offered to cochlear transplant patients. I also agree with the point you make about individual choice and the apparent lack of information offered by medical professionals. A counter point that came to mind while I was reading: regarding the matter of individual choice, how does this apply to parents making choices on behalf of their under-2 children?
Also, a wee critique - you might want to think about using more "hedging" language as some of your statements came across quite strongly eg the last sentence ('scuse caps, I'm not shouting, but can't find another way to highlight!)"...majority of deaf children and their families are either not fully informed or specifically misinformed at diagnosis ..." MAJORITY v a number of? ARE NOT v may not be? SPECIFICALLY MISINFORMED v ? and "have significant effects on educational opportunities" HAVE v can have? Unless, you have hyperlinks to stats or evidence to support such strong claims.
That " which have" in the last line- what are you referring to here? NZSL, the med/tech advances, or all three? I was confused here.
Also, what exactly is THE PROBLEM - "...individual choice - I strongly believe that the problem arises when..."?
Finally, I found the image of "signing" confusing where it sits next to the paragraph that starts with "...cochlear implant..." - would it be better up near the title somewhere? Plus, check your line-spacing
Also, a wee critique - you might want to think about using more "hedging" language as some of your statements came across quite strongly eg the last sentence ('scuse caps, I'm not shouting, but can't find another way to highlight!)"...majority of deaf children and their families are either not fully informed or specifically misinformed at diagnosis ..." MAJORITY v a number of? ARE NOT v may not be? SPECIFICALLY MISINFORMED v ? and "have significant effects on educational opportunities" HAVE v can have? Unless, you have hyperlinks to stats or evidence to support such strong claims.
That " which have" in the last line- what are you referring to here? NZSL, the med/tech advances, or all three? I was confused here.
Also, what exactly is THE PROBLEM - "...individual choice - I strongly believe that the problem arises when..."?
Finally, I found the image of "signing" confusing where it sits next to the paragraph that starts with "...cochlear implant..." - would it be better up near the title somewhere? Plus, check your line-spacing
20 April 2013 - Nicola Clements - http://nicolabrief2.blogspot.co.nz/
Hi there
I think you need to consider using more "hedging" language as the title sounds very strong eg "All Deaf children should learn Sign Language" maybe try "All Deaf children should be encouraged to learn Sign Language".
The first sentence begs the question, "Is it?" because it makes a strong claim, without any supporting link to stats etc.
I don't get a clear idea from your post as to what exactly your topic is, other than from the title. The 3rd paragraph hints at it, but maybe there's a problem with the quote as it is too vague - what is "the information"? I also wonder if your 4th paragraph would sit better as your 1st?
However, "Even those who have cochlear implants and can speak well still find Sign Language is their preferred language. As with cochlear implants or hearing aids though the Deaf person can hear some sound on varying degrees, although they cannot hear every single word and often rely on lip reading when in a one-on-one conversation. However, this means they cannot always participate in a group conversation or in a noisy room." I got lost reading these sentences - not sure if you need to rework the punctuation or just what?
Also, in the 2nd paragraph, that word "amended" - Maybe I'm wrong, but I associate it with fixing a document or a law, rather than a human disability?
Re your references, try using the "link" icon to import the web addresses into your document as hyperlinks. Sing out in the lab if you need a hand.
I think you need to consider using more "hedging" language as the title sounds very strong eg "All Deaf children should learn Sign Language" maybe try "All Deaf children should be encouraged to learn Sign Language".
The first sentence begs the question, "Is it?" because it makes a strong claim, without any supporting link to stats etc.
I don't get a clear idea from your post as to what exactly your topic is, other than from the title. The 3rd paragraph hints at it, but maybe there's a problem with the quote as it is too vague - what is "the information"? I also wonder if your 4th paragraph would sit better as your 1st?
However, "Even those who have cochlear implants and can speak well still find Sign Language is their preferred language. As with cochlear implants or hearing aids though the Deaf person can hear some sound on varying degrees, although they cannot hear every single word and often rely on lip reading when in a one-on-one conversation. However, this means they cannot always participate in a group conversation or in a noisy room." I got lost reading these sentences - not sure if you need to rework the punctuation or just what?
Also, in the 2nd paragraph, that word "amended" - Maybe I'm wrong, but I associate it with fixing a document or a law, rather than a human disability?
Re your references, try using the "link" icon to import the web addresses into your document as hyperlinks. Sing out in the lab if you need a hand.
20 April 2013 - Ana Banana - http://thebananatalks.blogspot.co.nz/
Hi there
Nice background and picture - I find your page visually appealing!
I also like that you use lots of hyperlinks - makes me think you've done lots of reading and gives your post more credibility.
I echo Julia's comment and know we've discussed in the lab about choosing a more specific, "arguable", stance - how about something like promoting a national register where the Deaf can enrol to be contacted by txt etc in the event of an emergency? Re the airlines, perhaps a call to Air New Zealand would be interesting to find out what their policy is with deaf passengers in an emergency - could give you some leads to pursue online.
I wondered if your title would be better in statement form rather than as a question? (This may change anyway as you refine your stance) Also, I felt your personal view doesn't come through strongly enough - perhaps a final personal statement at the end of your 1st paragraph would do the trick?
Also, 1st paragraph, "My husband heard about it on the radio, I interjected, and turned off to take a different route." - I stumbled a little when I was reading here, as it is direct speech. Either rework this or use speech marks
Nice background and picture - I find your page visually appealing!
I also like that you use lots of hyperlinks - makes me think you've done lots of reading and gives your post more credibility.
I echo Julia's comment and know we've discussed in the lab about choosing a more specific, "arguable", stance - how about something like promoting a national register where the Deaf can enrol to be contacted by txt etc in the event of an emergency? Re the airlines, perhaps a call to Air New Zealand would be interesting to find out what their policy is with deaf passengers in an emergency - could give you some leads to pursue online.
I wondered if your title would be better in statement form rather than as a question? (This may change anyway as you refine your stance) Also, I felt your personal view doesn't come through strongly enough - perhaps a final personal statement at the end of your 1st paragraph would do the trick?
Also, 1st paragraph, "My husband heard about it on the radio, I interjected, and turned off to take a different route." - I stumbled a little when I was reading here, as it is direct speech. Either rework this or use speech marks
20 April 2013 - Davidda Harmony - http://brieftwoiwrite.blogspot.co.nz/
Hi Davy
Your page design and writing style make me laugh, while alerting me to an issue that I've heard about in the media but have only given vague acknowledgement to. Thanks for drawing me in :) (You might want to check with Karen if the register is ok - personally, I love it!)
Hey, I'd like to see some hyperlinks here to add weight to your stance.
I gather you're not too fussed about the grammar stuff (from an earlier post!), but I'll point out a few things anyway:
"...copy of your friends new ..." possessive needs apostrophe ie friend's
"...fact still stands: Pinching music..." no capital needed after a colon
"...hard earned ca$$$h..." - hyphenate a compound adjective ie hard-earned
"But this is porkies..." - this is or these are?
Yo-ho-ho- 'n' all that stuff!
Your page design and writing style make me laugh, while alerting me to an issue that I've heard about in the media but have only given vague acknowledgement to. Thanks for drawing me in :) (You might want to check with Karen if the register is ok - personally, I love it!)
Hey, I'd like to see some hyperlinks here to add weight to your stance.
I gather you're not too fussed about the grammar stuff (from an earlier post!), but I'll point out a few things anyway:
"...copy of your friends new ..." possessive needs apostrophe ie friend's
"...fact still stands: Pinching music..." no capital needed after a colon
"...hard earned ca$$$h..." - hyphenate a compound adjective ie hard-earned
"But this is porkies..." - this is or these are?
Yo-ho-ho- 'n' all that stuff!
28 April 2013 23:14 - Shelby - http://crueltyagainstanimals101.blogspot.co.nz
Hi Shelby
I like the look of your blog and your position comes across very clearly. I don't like to think of any creature suffering, so this topic is of interest to me
I like Julia's comment regarding what type of animal testing - could be good to clarify that in your intro. I also agree with her caution about emotion possibly over-riding factual support of your position.
Some things that interrupted my flow of reading:
"...test medicines, vaccines and other medical tests..." - sounded a little strange to me, as in how can you test medical tests?
"...deaths of animals that died with no particular intention..." - repetitious sound of 'deaths' and 'died'. I would also counter that the scientists who conducted the tests must surely have had some intention, or else why would they be doing the tests in the first place? In fact, your use of an example actually contradicts your statement because you tell the reader why they dunked the polar bears in the contaminated water.
Also, I'd find your post more credible if you had a hyperlink or two to support your statements eg a link to a website with actual statistics of animal experimentation to back up your claim that "millions" suffer - each month, each year, what?
I'm interested to see your next posts :)
Jenette
I like the look of your blog and your position comes across very clearly. I don't like to think of any creature suffering, so this topic is of interest to me
I like Julia's comment regarding what type of animal testing - could be good to clarify that in your intro. I also agree with her caution about emotion possibly over-riding factual support of your position.
Some things that interrupted my flow of reading:
"...test medicines, vaccines and other medical tests..." - sounded a little strange to me, as in how can you test medical tests?
"...deaths of animals that died with no particular intention..." - repetitious sound of 'deaths' and 'died'. I would also counter that the scientists who conducted the tests must surely have had some intention, or else why would they be doing the tests in the first place? In fact, your use of an example actually contradicts your statement because you tell the reader why they dunked the polar bears in the contaminated water.
Also, I'd find your post more credible if you had a hyperlink or two to support your statements eg a link to a website with actual statistics of animal experimentation to back up your claim that "millions" suffer - each month, each year, what?
I'm interested to see your next posts :)
Jenette
Hi Davy
Seems like good evidence to me. I like that you're covering counterfeit CD's as well as illegal online downloading
A few grammar matters -
Check out your use of possessive (no apostrophe needed):
"...slicing its’ income...", "...forward in its’ pirating ways..."
Punctuation? "...every single year. Thus leading to 71,060..."
Spelling "...and loses from online piracy..."
Now for your next one :)
Well done - the tweaked title works better. Your idea to italicise the conversation with E helps with the clarity, too.
Hi Ana
That's unfortunate about your hyperlinks not showing up. Can you ask a techie t help you with this in the lab? Important, I think, because I didn't know until I read your comment. If someone doesn't, your blog seems unsupported (to state the obvious!)
That's unfortunate about your hyperlinks not showing up. Can you ask a techie t help you with this in the lab? Important, I think, because I didn't know until I read your comment. If someone doesn't, your blog seems unsupported (to state the obvious!)
All
good points, Ana. One thing that didn't flow so well for me is the
last paragraph where you focus on signed broadcasts. Perhaps it would
be better to include this in your previous post where you listed things
that could be done for d/Deaf people to be in the loop in emergencies?
Felt to me like you're starting something new instead of finishing up?
This is looking great, Nic. I like the wallpaper. Your example re Ali is good support for your stand:)
Look out for those minor grammar issues
Look out for those minor grammar issues
Hi Nic
I can only reiterate what others have commented on, particularly with CI's - "...often hard work for ...", what do you mean? With our background of DCC, we have an idea, but for anyone not in the know, they need more info.
A clear Topic would help for this post, like Julia mentioned re a definite focus - perhaps something more like "Language and Developing an Identity" - just a suggestion.
And yep, check that grammar etc.
I can only reiterate what others have commented on, particularly with CI's - "...often hard work for ...", what do you mean? With our background of DCC, we have an idea, but for anyone not in the know, they need more info.
A clear Topic would help for this post, like Julia mentioned re a definite focus - perhaps something more like "Language and Developing an Identity" - just a suggestion.
And yep, check that grammar etc.
Woohoo!
I'm reading your posts in reverse and this is a great summary that
makes your stand extremely clear. Nice use of firm, yet cautionary,
language. I also like your wallpaper and graphics.
Hi Julia
I'm a bit braindead by this stage of lab, but a definition for AVT would be helpful - I couldn't find one in your previous posts?
I'm a bit braindead by this stage of lab, but a definition for AVT would be helpful - I couldn't find one in your previous posts?
My responses to critique from peers:
- Good point there, Julia. Thanks. I'll have another look at my overall blurb and probably re-work things a little
-
Hi again Julia. After reading my final post, I'm satisfied I address the lack of better staff, albeit superficially. Thanks.
-
Ha, I've just taken a fresh look at what I had and have rejigged those last two posts, hopefully addressing your point of an opposing view. Thanks again for your input.Thanks again for worthy critique, Julia. Mmmm, I had wondered about venturing near the CI thing, but the 1000-word limit put me off. The same with trying to use opposing views etc. Anyway, I'll give this more thought, along with your other comments. Thanks - you've been really helpful. Looking rforward to reading the rest of your posts.[Whoopee! My first comment - thank you, Julia :) Now I'd better get down to business!]
I'll take on board both your comments re a hyper link to Deaf Aotearoa and a new paragraph. Thanks.
Hi Ana
Thanks for your feedback. I'll go and check out the quote mark/hyperlink issue - thanks.
Re my stand, it is supposed to be that the MOE talks about providing education settings OF CHOICE, but there actually isn't much choice for our deaf students, more a case of get what you possibly can.Hi Ana
Thanks again for posting feedback. I like your suggestion of an opposing position re SL hindering language acquisition and will look a bit more at that.
My viewpoint is for Deaf learners to have MORE CHOICE when it comes to their education, which means all the things you listed. Presently they have to simply take what they can get.
Re the d/Deaf terminology, I'm meaning both.
Thanks for that, Nic.
I haven't found much info regarding this, but am interested enough to pursue the idea of online tutoring options for d/Deaf kids, and might try to integrate it into my argument.
Good idea, too, to try to find some kind of "minimum requirement" laid out by MOE for the teacher-aides for d/Deaf students to support my claim here.Hi Ana
Yes, thanks - I've decided to run with lower-case 'd' throughout as Lynette made the comment on my DCC assignment that deaf children usually haven't made the cultural decision yet as to whether to be identified as Deaf or not.
20 April 2013 - Julia Hogg - http://futurenzslinterpreter.blogspot.co.nz/